And I Cry
by Digital Tempest
Summary: Raven has been holding some feelings deep inside, now it's time for a little reflection time.


**Title:** And I Cry   
**Author:** [Tempest][1]  
**Rating:** PG-13  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own anyone recognizable from the WWF. They belong to Vince and themselves. Don't sue. I don't have anything to give.  
**Author Notes:** All characters are in character, ya understand?  
**archived:** [wwfdiva.port5.com][2]  
// denotes lyrics  
It Only Hurts When I cry - Dwight Yoakam  


* * * * * * * * * *

_//The only time I feel the pain  
Is in the sunshine or the rain//_

Always on the outside, forever looking in. It was the story of his life. He stood in his favorite corner brooding. He watched the scenes unfold around him. He watched as their faces glowed as they talked to each other animatedly. Nearby he overheard Edge tell Christian a corny joke. 

"Dude, this is so funny. Why was 6 afraid of 7?" Edge asked. 

Christian face became a mask of confusion. He shrugged his shoulders. 

"Because 7 ate 9. Get it 7, 8, 9. 7 ate 9." Edge said. 

Christian's face distorted as he stood still deep in thought. 

"Hey funboy, we've all seen that commercial." Chris Jericho yelled from across the room. 

"Shut up! I was talking to Christian, dude. You are so heinous." Edge said. 

Raven folded his arms across his chest. He couldn't believe how happy they all were. They all had it so easy. Raven's dark eyes swept across the room. He didn't belong her. He began a slow steady shuffle toward the dressing room. 

"Dude, Raven is so weird." Christian said watching his retreating back. 

_//And I don't feel no hurt at all  
Unless you count when teardrops fall//_

Raven stalked down the narrow corridor. At the end of the hall, he saw Molly sitting on a table with Spike. They were gazing into one another eyes holding hands. Raven gave them a look of disgust. 

"Hey Raven." Molly said as he walked past them. 

He didn't say a word to Molly. He acted oblivious to her as if she simply didn't exist. He didn't have anything against Molly. She was a nice girl. He had even thought once upon a time that he had _liked_ her. He cringed at the thought. He was alone in this world. He had a score to settle with humankind. People hadn't been too nice to him over the years. He walked into the dressing room. He was relieved to find it empty. He didn't like being caught in conversations. He never knew what to say. It was weird to even hear his own voice at time. He rarely talked. For that, he was branded as weird. But when Kane did it, it was called a strong silence. 

_//I tell the truth 'cept when I lie  
And it only hurts me when I cry//_

Nothing good was ever meant to come of him. He had known that since he was a young boy, but he had fought it. He had made something of himself. He heard laughter travel into the room. He sneered as if it had invaded his personal space. He wanted to condemn them for being so happy, for not knowing what it was like to hurt like he did, but he couldn't. Every time he saw Stephanie wrap her arms around Triple H, or The Rock and Stone Cold exchange insults, or Matt play fight with his brother Jeff, he felt a twinge of something he almost mistook as jealousy. He dropped his eyes to the floor as another wave of laughter came into the room. He put his hand in his pocket and pulled out a picture. He ran a finger across it lovingly. 

/_/You couldn't tell it by this smile  
But my recovery took a while//_

The picture was of him and a person he had once loved. Freyja had been her name. In the picture they were hugging. He was actually smiling something he never did now. She had red hair that fell just past her ears, and gray eyes. She was always so happy. He fed off her energy. She made him happy. He met her after a show 3 years ago. She had brought her little brother to the show. Her brother wanted Raven's autograph. He fell into her eyes the first time he ever saw her. They seemed to drown him. They made him want to drown into them, into her. She had flashed him a crooked smile as he signed her brother's shirt. She walked away wither her little brother. He had thought that she had walked away forever. Because all good things went away in his life. 

_//I worked for days and nights on end  
Just to walk and talk again//_

He started to walk slowly to his car. He loved his car. It was an old '72 Impala. He had heard a couple of the wrestlers smirk at him about his car, but he loved it. He opened the door. He felt a hand tug on his black leather jacket. He turned to face the girl's little brother. 

"My sister said maybe you'd like her autograph, too." The boy said. 

He handed Raven a piece of paper and ran to a waiting car. Freyja - 555-0907. He couldn't see inside the car, but somehow he knew she was smiling at him. 

_//You can't believe the time it takes  
To heal a heart once it breaks// _

There love had been doomed from the beginning. He had told her that he wasn't meant to love, but she had just laughed at him saying he was silly. Her parents didn't approve of Raven. They felt she deserved someone with a degree making 6 solid figures, but there wasn't much they could do about her seeing him. They tried to feed her lies. What if he got you pregnant and just left you? What if he meets someone else on the road? What if? What if? What if? She never listened to them. She only smiled her crooked smile and ran to him with arms wide open. She made him happy. It was the only time in his life where he could say he was truly happy. 

_//The only time I feel the pain  
Is in the sunshine or the rain//_

He remembered the first time they made love. It was under the stars on a blanket surrounded by the dew covered grass. He had felt that it was right before God, man, and everything else. It had to be right. Nothing this beautiful could be wrong. He pledged his life to her that night and forever. That night as she lay in his arms sleep, he whispered "I love you." in her ear. He didn't sleep that night. He held her and watched the sun come up. He didn't want to part from her, but he had to take her home. He was determined that soon they would be together.

_//And I don't feel no hurt at all  
Unless you count when teardrops fall//_

A month later she told him that she was pregnant. She seemed very happy about it. He was too. He hugged and told her he loved her over and over again. He asked her that same day to be his wife. She accepted, but she had to tell her parents. Her parents went ballistic. They told her she couldn't see him. They told her she was a disgrace. So they planned. They would run away together. No one would ever interfere with their love again. That night she snuck out the window and climbed into his car. They drove off. Raven felt his eyes begin to mist as he thought about what happened next. 

They were riding along, planning a happy family when out of nowhere a car coming from the opposite way swerved. Raven veered to avoid the car, but the car came crashing into Freyja's side of the car. He looked over at Freyja a mask of horror covered her face. He slammed on breaks hoping maybe they would stop. Instead the friction from the wheels caused them to start spinning out of control. Freyja scream as it became apparent that they might not make it. They spun onto the side of the road. The front of the car met with a tree with a sickening crash. 

"Freyja.." Raven said as he slipped out of reality. 

_//I tell the truth 'cept when I lie  
And it only hurts me when I cry//_

Freyja died. The internal bleeding was too great. His love and his life were ripped from him. Her parents never forgave him. When the funeral was held he watched from a distance as the preacher said a prayer over the mahogany casket with tears streaming down his face. He wanted to touch her one last time, but he knew that was impossible. He watched as they lowered her slowly into the ground. He felt like a piece of him was being buried with her as he watched the casket lower from view. Never again would he be able to run his hands through her hair or stare into her eyes for hours. It was all gone. Everything he had ever cared for, it was gone. 

He heard the door to the dressing room open. He quickly turned his face. He hoped whoever it was didn't try to talk to him. He wasn't in the mood. He pretended to be busy digging through his bag. He didn't look up to see who it was. He didn't want them to see the pain on his face. He didn't want to give them another reason to hate him. They already saw him as an outsider. He was a _freak_. They looked down on him. When he walked by them he pretended not to hear the whispers. He pretended not to notice the stares. 

_//Oh maybe every now and then  
I have a small heartache again//_

He thought about her everyday. He blamed himself for her death. He should have made her understand that he was cursed. He thought that he wasn't going to be able to go on without her. He thought about killing himself so many times, but in reality he was too scared to do it. He wanted only to hold her in his arms again and get lost in her eyes like he always did. He put the picture back in his pocket. That had been so long ago. It was going on the 4th year of her death and he still hadn't let go. He wondered what his life would have been like had she lived. What would their child have been like? Would it have been a boy or girl? Would it have looked like him or her? Would they have been happy? 

_//You wouldn't know to look at me  
There's tiny scars that you can't see//_

He ran his hand through his hair. He had a match against Rhyno tonight for the Hardcore title. He felt like ripping someone apart right now. Looks like Rhyno would be the lucky candidate. Freyja always loved to watch him wrestle. Let them keep laughing, one day he would have the last laugh. They thought he was heartless, but they didn't know anything about him. They were the heartless ones. All the freak jokes and the weird looks would turn on them. 

_//It was a struggle to survive I'm probably lucky I'm alive//_

He felt the tears fall from his eyes. He cried everyday. He promised himself that from that day forth, he would never care for another person like he did her. He would never trust another person like he did her. He would never love another person like he did her, _never_.

_//I tell the truth 'cept when I lie And it only hurts me when I cry//_

"Quote the Raven, Nevermore." He said as he wiped the tears from his his eyes. 

   [1]: mailto:digitaltempest0837@yahoo.com
   [2]: http://wwfdiva.port5.com



End file.
